So, my little brother has a blog.
He posted a link on my Facebook wall. It has a few posts so far. I hope he writes more soon. But there's just one thing.
It's really good. It frustrates me that it's so good. I mean, for fucks sake, I'm eight years his senior! I should be writing better than him. Not looking at his work with a mixture of admiration and envy. Maybe this is why Dad was so angry all of the time. Not because he was evil. Not because there was something wrong with him, But because when he looked at us, he saw all of the things that might of been, but never were for him. I guess I understand that now.
I can't help but think about that day when I walked into the bathroom, and found Dad holding Justin down in the bath. He didn't hear me come in, and he just kept saying 'Four is just too many' over and over.
Justin was already blue when I found them.
But when I read through the words my brother has written, and the jealousy creeps in, a little voice tells me that maybe I shouldn't have hit Dad with that shovel. That if I'd never walked in there in the first place, Dad would still be alive, and Justin's words wouldn't be making me feel so bad on the inside..
Maybe it isn't too late to fix things. Not all the way, sure. But maybe I can make things a little more like they were supposed to be.
Or anyway.
I guess what I'm saying, little brother. Is yes. Yes, I do like your blog.
It's very nice.
Would you like to go to the beach this weekend?
There is enough truth here to be cathartic for me, but it is buried within enough lies so as not to make anyone worry.
Monday, August 30, 2010
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Monday, July 26, 2010
The promises we make...
You said we'd be friends.
Just because we couldn't be together, didn't mean we couldn't be the best of friends. That's what you said.
But time has gone by, and you don't write, you don't call. Sometimes I hear things from other people about how you are, or what you're doing. Sometimes they're the kinds of things that friends would tell each other.
I'm glad you're happy, I really am. But still, I can't help but think that maybe all that time ago, when you asked 'Can we still be friends?' What I should have said, was no.
No, we couldn't be friends. That from that moment onwards, we would be archenemies. That I'd be the Lex Luthor to your Superman. That you'd be the Joker to my Batman.
And we'd do battle. We'd demolish cities with our plots and schemes to destroy each other. Millions of lives would be lost in our feud. Billions even.
And one day, when there was nowhere left for either of us to hide, we'd stand in the rubble of the earth that we'd ruined in our pursuit. And face off against each other. In a final battle.
Together.
The way we were always meant to be.
I hope you're well.
Just because we couldn't be together, didn't mean we couldn't be the best of friends. That's what you said.
But time has gone by, and you don't write, you don't call. Sometimes I hear things from other people about how you are, or what you're doing. Sometimes they're the kinds of things that friends would tell each other.
I'm glad you're happy, I really am. But still, I can't help but think that maybe all that time ago, when you asked 'Can we still be friends?' What I should have said, was no.
No, we couldn't be friends. That from that moment onwards, we would be archenemies. That I'd be the Lex Luthor to your Superman. That you'd be the Joker to my Batman.
And we'd do battle. We'd demolish cities with our plots and schemes to destroy each other. Millions of lives would be lost in our feud. Billions even.
And one day, when there was nowhere left for either of us to hide, we'd stand in the rubble of the earth that we'd ruined in our pursuit. And face off against each other. In a final battle.
Together.
The way we were always meant to be.
I hope you're well.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
2009: A Deliberation
I feel that this is the year when hope failed me.
I was going to list ‘My Top Movies and Albums of 2009.’ And tell you about all the great things that have happened this year. And many great things have happened. But that would be pretending that nothing is wrong, and that everything is fine.
Which it isn’t.
And some things will get better. But some things won’t. Not ever.
To tell the tale of this year, this would seem a lie. For the misery and horror stories of this year are not mine to tell. No, the stories I can, tell of a year filled with terrific movies; such as Taken, Love the Beast, Gran Torino, Zombieland, and (500) Days of Summer; fantastic albums; such as those from Mumford and Sons, The Prodigy, Devildriver, Florence and the Machine, and Rammstein; and great, mostly positive events; like the Blueprint Festival, Jessica Rabbit, Mojito’s (C’mon, say it with me now, Mo-Hee-Toes), the X and Y debacle, the weekend so Awesome I ended up in hospital, and me just generally being the Best man ever. But don’t be fooled.
You should know; Hope has let me down, but I haven’t given up on it. Not yet. When this year is done. I will bid farewell to 2009 with a drink in my hand and hope in my heart.
This year has hardened me. I hope that you’re ready 2010.
I’m coming for you.
Merrily Ex-mass, Joshua Dunne
I was going to list ‘My Top Movies and Albums of 2009.’ And tell you about all the great things that have happened this year. And many great things have happened. But that would be pretending that nothing is wrong, and that everything is fine.
Which it isn’t.
And some things will get better. But some things won’t. Not ever.
To tell the tale of this year, this would seem a lie. For the misery and horror stories of this year are not mine to tell. No, the stories I can, tell of a year filled with terrific movies; such as Taken, Love the Beast, Gran Torino, Zombieland, and (500) Days of Summer; fantastic albums; such as those from Mumford and Sons, The Prodigy, Devildriver, Florence and the Machine, and Rammstein; and great, mostly positive events; like the Blueprint Festival, Jessica Rabbit, Mojito’s (C’mon, say it with me now, Mo-Hee-Toes), the X and Y debacle, the weekend so Awesome I ended up in hospital, and me just generally being the Best man ever. But don’t be fooled.
You should know; Hope has let me down, but I haven’t given up on it. Not yet. When this year is done. I will bid farewell to 2009 with a drink in my hand and hope in my heart.
This year has hardened me. I hope that you’re ready 2010.
I’m coming for you.
Merrily Ex-mass, Joshua Dunne
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