Monday, August 30, 2010


So, my little brother has a blog.

He posted a link on my Facebook wall. It has a few posts so far. I hope he writes more soon. But there's just one thing.

It's really good. It frustrates me that it's so good. I mean, for fucks sake, I'm eight years his senior! I should be writing better than him. Not looking at his work with a mixture of admiration and envy. Maybe this is why Dad was so angry all of the time. Not because he was evil. Not because there was something wrong with him, But because when he looked at us, he saw all of the things that might of been, but never were for him. I guess I understand that now.

I can't help but think about that day when I walked into the bathroom, and found Dad holding Justin down in the bath. He didn't hear me come in, and he just kept saying 'Four is just too many' over and over.

Justin was already blue when I found them.

But when I read through the words my brother has written, and the jealousy creeps in, a little voice tells me that maybe I shouldn't have hit Dad with that shovel. That if I'd never walked in there in the first place, Dad would still be alive, and Justin's words wouldn't be making me feel so bad on the inside..

Maybe it isn't too late to fix things. Not all the way, sure. But maybe I can make things a little more like they were supposed to be.

Or anyway.

I guess what I'm saying, little brother. Is yes. Yes, I do like your blog.

It's very nice.

Would you like to go to the beach this weekend?