Friday, December 24, 2010

2010: Hung Jury

Regular readers will already know this; regular friends, too. 2009 sucked, but as I finished off my last years end post, I went into 2010 with a drink in my hand, and hope in my heart.

But that was a heart which, like a nihlistic Daft Punk song, was harder, colder, meaner, stronger.

Just when you think that things can't get any worse, they usually do, and prove to us that we didn't quite have the depth of imagination to visualise how bad it could all be. So, for awhile there, 2010 looked to be just as bad as 2009, if not worse. Well, I suppose that was the first half of the year or so.

Sort of like last year, most of these tales of woe aren't mine to tell, but I will say this: It all looked pretty bleak. People were sick, people died, and other people had some pretty horrible things happen to them.

"I lost the plot for a while then. And I lost the subplot, the script, the soundtrack, the intermission, my popcorn, the credits, and the exit sign."

Ahh, High Fidelity, my favorite, most quotable of films and books. God bless you Nick Hornby.

There were some good times, too. Don't get me wrong.

I was in a bad spot, mentally, I guess, and I thank you all for sticking with me through it. I don't think I made it easy.

And then, one day, I just let it all go. Chucked in the job, moved out of the house I was in, packed my stuff, and went to Europe. Which had the potential to not end well for reasons I'll probably never tell you. Granted, it didn't all happen suddenly, I took the time to make sure that if, for whatever reason, I never made it back, everything would be in it's right place.

Shortly before I went to Europe; and again, this is a story I'll never tell you; what I regard as an omen occurred which made me think that ultimatly, everything would be okay, one way or the other. It made me think about all of the good things that had happened up until that point.

People got better. I still mourn those we'd lost, but I made new friends as well as the old, who didn't replace those passed, but helped me through it anyhow. People had some really lovely things happen to them as well.

And then, Europe. Which you can read about to a certain extent on my travel blog ( - Still haven't finished it off, it's coming, I swear). And it's just a collection of stories I wouldn't mind my mother reading (an avid reader of the blog). It's very hard to put into words things like a feeling, or an experience. If I had to sum it all up in a phrase, I'd have to say "life changing." Ask me about it sometime.

I managed to reclaw back a lot of what I'd lost. I re-discovered the plot, the sub-plot, etc. And now I'm working on the sequel.

Like I said earlier this year, I read a packet of Skittles the was a soothsayer reads entrails. And all of the best days are filled with blackberry and strawberry. But some days are filled with lemon. But we need the lemon flavor to make the strawberry and blackberry even better than they are. Life is beautiful, it really is. And sometimes it takes the bad things to happen, to make us realise that it isn't forever, and to throw the good things into contrast just to seem a little better overall.

I love you all, and you are in my heart always.

Merrily Ex-mass,