So.

I found a lump.

I mean, Jesus, as if that wasn't emasculating enough. But yeah, on my right testicle.

And who says that playing with yourself is something you should grow out of, or something that is not healthy?

But the thing is, that I found it with less than a month to go before my big Europe trip.

And this was what was keeping me going these last months.

Europe.

I needed that more than I needed breath itself.

So I said nothing.

Maybe it wouldn't have interferred, but I couldn't take that risk.

And maybe it'll come to nothing, and maybe it'll mean worse than that.

But I got my Europe trip. And she's better.

And maybe God does make deals or maybe it is a coincidence. But she's better. Maybe it's only for now. God, I hope not. But maybe. And she, already, has made better use of the time than I.

If this comes to a whole lot worse than nothing, let my final words be recorded as this.

It was worth it.